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“the testimony of
Jesus is the spirit of prophecy (Revelations
19:10)
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Mari: I grew
up in a home with two parents and a brother. My
parents had positive intentions but they struggled
with their own pain and I didn't receive the love
I needed through their anger, distance, and walls.
They always provided and yes, they loved me, but I
did not receive the love I was made for as a
child. I was sexually abused in first grade
consistently for 3 years until I told my mother in
4th grade. I developed an anxiety disorder that
kept me from
living a real life. My hugest fear was death. I
began to date in 7th grade and after my first real
heartbreak, I found myself fearing being alone and
constantly ran to other men. Eventually I engaged
in sex, breaking my internal conviction of heart.
I didn't have any more friends. Deep down, I
wanted to die. My mind was a mental prison and
depression clung onto me. I lost hope in ever
finding freedom. I was left broken, I felt wasted,
and didn't have anyone to give me the love I
needed. I was searching for love.
After one of the hardest breakups I endured, I
wanted to be set free. I didn't want to date. I
was exhausted. But I knew I wasn't strong enough
to stop and live on my own and heal. My heart
wanted and needed love! On Valentine's Day, I was
with a friend and we went to a store ministry.
This person who worked there looked at me and came
to talk to me. I prayed to receive Jesus into my
heart. I wasn't sure what it meant but I thought
"this is so not me. I'm not into religion." But
every day I felt God speak to me in the strangest
ways, as if He was on a pursuit after my heart
even though I messed up everyday still. Even
though my struggle with men was still weak, I knew
that love was searching for me in return as well.
After truly letting Jesus Christ into my heart, He
gave me an entirely new life of restoration of
friendships, strength to stand on my own without
depending on a man, freedom of strongholds in my
heart, and ability to hope again. Every day, His
peace lives in me and continually reaffirms His
love to me. His strength set me free from my past.
I now have a reason to live. My love story has
been written by the true living God!
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Tony: My
father at one point had just disappeared from my
life. There was so much
distance between us that when he would come
home, it felt as if he was a
stranger. The older I got the less I cared about
him, let alone considered
him my dad. By the age of 18, I loved him for
giving me life, but other than
that there was no love, no happiness, no
togetherness, no relationship, and
I liked him about as much as I liked penicillin
(I'm allergic). I could not
be around him without wanting to argue, yell,
fight, or think about how at
any bad move he might make against me, how I
could physically harm him. At
this age my mother was considering a divorce and
all I could do was strongly
wish for it. I would constantly keep wishing
that my parents would get a
divorce so he could no longer be close to us, so
he could no longer be in
the house, so I could no longer see his face.
The only reason I couldn't say
I hated my father was because I still had a hint
of respect for him, for he
gave me life.
With all my resentment, pain, misery,
depression, I also had a big mouth on
me and a bad mind
to go with it. I used my own pain and misery to
bring others down. Words
I spoke were mean, rude, harsh, and hurtful. The
worst part was that I
didn't feel bad about it. I loved speaking my
feelings at my friends,
especially if it was about them. I loved holding
power to manipulate and
hurt. My mind would constantly be able discern,
but I wouldn't use it to
speak to help or out of love, but simply to
hurt. I would question why I
even had friends. My words were also a cover for
an even deeper secret that
I kept with me for years. I had my identity
taken and given back as
something that it wasn't. I was lost in my
sexual orientation,
my identity. I didn't know if I was gay or
bisexual.
With the absence of
a father from a young age, I didn't have any
male influence, I was
raised by my mother and sister, and I was picked
on by all the boys at
school. Hatred for guys developed in me. I never
wanted a friendship with
any of them and if I could push my friends that
were girls away from them, I
would. Even with my hate, I still craved male
bonding, but I was looking for
it in the wrong place, plus experimenting at a
young age didn't help
either. I didn't know what I was. I kept telling
myself maybe you're bisexual,
because you love girls emotionally and men
physically, or maybe you're gay
because you already have strong physical
attraction and all
I needed was to find the right one and I can
fall in love.
But with all this
there was a problem. I grew up knowing who God
was. I grew
up knowing that it
is wrong, that it is a sin. I grew up with God
calling me
at a really young
age through dreams. Knowing that God hated sin,
and I was
a sinner for my
attractions. Never had I felt so confused,
constantly having
my mind battle over
this issue, getting close to reaching insanity.
My emotions began
controlling me. I would always cry, I felt
helpless, dirty,
unworthy, useless,
and doomed. I would lash out in anger at my own
family and friends,
always causing problems, but to others my lips
were sealed and my mask was put
on. At one point, I just began believing that
there was no hope. I began
believing that when the day the rapture would
happen I would stay behind and
suffer the wrath of the Lord. I believed that
hell was home.I believed that I
was who I was and that I just couldn't be saved.
But, eventually God
caught up to me and embraced me with his love.
God restored my relationship
with my father; God has changed my words of
hatred, to words of truth, love,
and compassion. Thanks to God, I am now waiting
purely for my wife; I now
know that I'm not gay or bisexual. I have been
freed from a past that was
killing me slowly. I'm saved.
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Austin: I was a
liar. I never took the blame for my own actions.
I didn't want to be
obedient, but I didn't want the consequences. I
was fake in my identity too.
I strove to be the
person everyone liked, but the more I tried the
more unknown I became.
I never kept my promises and never kept the same
friends because I never
felt like I belonged in a certain group, always
feeling like the odd one out.
For so long I looked down on myself because of
my Tourettes's
syndrome that I was diagnosed with at seven
years old. I longed
for a divine purpose in this world, but I didn't
think I could make much
difference. I learned of Jesus Christ at a young
age and thought it was only
a story, until I saw people living the story,
and making it part of them. He
showed the Liar the Truth which I craved.
I have experienced
great trials since then but none have taken me.
He saved
me in a car
accident which should have at least put me and
my friends in the
hospital. He helped
me get through high school when seven people in
my
family passed away
in the matter of months. I've excelled in school
even
with my Tourette's
syndrome. I have my own identity and not one
based on
others. I found the
truth I didn't even know I wanted. I am
constantly
filled with joy and
peace because of the knowledge of what Jesus
Christ did
for me and how he
is always with me. God has strengthened me in
spirit and
every trial is just
another chance to grow closer to him. I am a man
with a
purpose, fulfilling
it for Jesus Christ.
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Justin:
Growing up, I was very familiar with the
church. I went to private school for most of my
life and continued practicing this religious
lifestyle for
most of my life. I lived the stereotypical high
school and college life. I partied almost every
weekend and found pleasure in what I believed
satisfied me. I grew up thinking that this life
was pretty much standard compared to the people I
knew. I continued to drink for many years even at
times that it would impose a threat to my health.
Eventually, I started smoking cigarettes and weed.
It literally controlled my life because everything
I wanted to do had to revolve around getting high.
I spent a lot of my money on weed, cigarettes, and
alcohol. I found it amusing that I became a
"stoner" and I was not ready to give up this
lifestyle. I was content. College quickly became
one of my last priorities and for that my grades
suffered. I knew I could do so much better, but I
did not care.
Soon, one of my best friends was diagnosed with
leukemia and it really took
a toll on me. It literally crushed me. Leaving me
with a mixed of emotions,
I didn't know what to do. I tried shaping up on my
own because I knew being
there for him was more important than the smoking
and drinking. I became
really close with him and his family and they all
had a great influence on
my life. I became born again, baptized, and I
started a new life of dedicating myself to God.
Though this promise stood strong in me, I still
partied and smoked. One night God spoke to me just
as I was about to get high and He said, "What are
you doing?" I stood frozen and knew that something
needed to change.
It was at this point that I really started going
after Jesus' heart. I started going to weekly
bible studies, prayer, and church. I became
plugged into a great and loving family of Christ.
It was God who gave me healing from after my
friend passed away. God help me to overcome my
struggle in finding satisfaction in drinking and
smoking in a day! I now find satisfaction in His
limitless love, joy, and peace. I am beyond
grateful for the amazing transformation that God
has done in my life and I have not looked back!
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Mikey: Growing up I wasn't
aware of how big God was and how much He wanted to
be a part of my life. For so long I strove to stay
accepted and to be loved by everyone that I didn't
realize I created a mask over my true self. This
unconscious facade caught up with me because this
person I was desperate to become was like chasing
the wind. This silent battle for identity led me
to radically looking for peace in alcohol, drugs,
pornography, and sex. I consequently created voids
that possessed me to be fulfilled. When I came to
understand the love and reality of Jesus Christ,
He saved and forever liberated me from the false
identity and voids that once enslaved me. And He
continually introduces me to the person I have
longed to be. I have found a peace that surpasses
all understanding. Jesus’ peace guards my heart
and my mind.
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Vanessa:
I grew up in a Christian home and even
though my family and I are
Christians, I grew up having a lot of questions
about God. Also, from the
age of 6 to about 14 I was taken advantage of by
men, and I felt like I was
a failure because I could not stand up for myself
when I knew in my heart
that I had a voice to say something, to speak up,
and to stand up for what I
believed in. I grew up taking care of others and
not really taking care of myself, and when I was
taken advantage of, I felt like God was not there
for me. At that point, I felt so lost and hurt and
I turned to a sexual lifestyle for a year or so...
Every day I would promise God that I would not do
anything like
that again, but little did I know that I was
trapped; going deeper into sin.
Through all the trials I faced, I was hurt and
still I went to church, and
just went by motion, I would go to church... but I
didn't really know why anymore. And God asked me,
"where is your heart? What is your heart behind
going to church or saying that I am your savior?"
For the longest time l did not know the answer. I
would write questions that I wanted God to answer
and depressing poems that displayed a wounded
heart. For a long time, I did not hear Him answer.
I remember one particular day, when I was about
fifteen I was walking out of my room feeling like
I was a disappointment because I had doubts and
still wondered about a God I said I lived for but
never really knew. I turned to the window and I
heard His voice. And He said, "I have never broken
my promises... He reminded me of that promise that
He would never leave me or forsake me...even
through everything I had gone through. At that
point, I realized God was reaching His hand out to
me and asking me to trust Him. He keeps His
promises; I am to never be afraid of abandonment
no matter what happens He is always there for me.
I guess there was never a time where God was not
talking to me or trying to get my attention.
Day in and day out, God always reminds me of His
promises-that He is
faithful and will never leave me. He will always
love me, protect me, and
guide me. He is my God, I've allowed Him to be the
one who I love and live
and die for.
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Taylor: Throughout
my life, I had never been the kind of person to
accept help from other people. I loved to help
others, but when it came to my own life I
adopted the belief that I could do anything I
wanted to on my own. I was lonely, so I turned to
men to fill that void in my life. After my
ex-boyfriend and I broke up in my senior year of
high school, I was devastated at first. Then I
went through the denial stage. Instead of denying
the breakup, I denied my grief. I didn't realize
what I was doing to myself, but I started drinking
a lot more and turning to guys to feel loved
again. I began to hate myself. I couldn't stand
who I'd become.
When I got to college, I was determined to start
over and change. That didn't happen. There's
really no way to change yourself without a
substantial reason. I hated myself even more than
I had that summer. This is when I had reached my
breaking point, and I knew that something needed
to change. I couldn't go on thinking that I had to
shoulder my own problems along with everyone
else's. No one can live like that for very long. I
became depressed, anxious, and at one point I was
even suicidal.
My first night at Chi Alpha, I was completely
overwhelmed with love, peace and joy. I gave my
life to God that same night and He healed me of
scoliosis
through prayer. For the first time in 4 years I
felt happy again. I felt loved again. I felt like
I had a reason to live. I will never look back at
my old life with longing, because it's nothing
compared to the life I have now. I live a truly
blessed life.
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Dennell:
I grew up in a home infested with drugs and
violence. I remember the smell of meth being
cooked in my house and my dad beating my mom
until she was on the floor. When my mom and dad
split, she became worse in her addiction and was
hardly ever home. I grew up thinking and
believing that I was not worth anyone’s love and
time. I believed a man loves you if he's
controlling and violent towards you. I grew up
angry, resentful, depressed, and feeling
unworthy. All these things made a dark, sick and
lonely girl. I hated men, but needed their
affection through sex and it became an
addiction. I became a drug addict by the age of
15. I started out with cocaine, then meth, and
finally heroin. I stole from my family and sold
everything that I could get my hands on. I
begged on the streets for money so I could get
loaded. Drugs became my life. There was not one
day that I did not wake up with the first
thought in my mind being “I need to get high."
It was my life and I had accepted the fact that
I was not going to amount to anything. I thought
I was trash and I was going to die on drugs.
I was in and out of rehab since the age of 16. I
finally went to a rehab which was faith based. I
heard about this JESUS guy. I didn't know who he
was and what he was all about, but I did know I
wanted a change in my life and I wanted to be
"normal." During an alter call I tested it out
and prayed:"Ok, I don't want to do drugs anymore
I want to live life like other people." It seems
like over night I realized that I was not a drug
addict or alcoholic. GOD revealed to me that he
does not create trash or drug addicts. He
revealed to me the power that He has. By doing
so He completely delivered me from the addiction
of drugs. I am not a drug addict or trash! I
have been set free from the need of drugs and
alcohol. I don't have to fight anymore.
Jesus has given me true life that is
unexplainable. I should be dead or on the
streets. I should not be in school, but Jesus
does the impossible and makes all things new!
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